The Himalayas

In February this year, I visited the holy shrine of Vaishnodevi in Jammu. It is about a 12 KM walk from the base camp - Katra till the holy shrine and I enjoyed that walk more than the darshan itself. The idea of a himalayan trek has been with me for really long but when I looked at the nature surrounding me during that trek, I decided i’d go to the Himalayas this year; I decided i’d do the trek. That was the sign. So I came back, and registered for the trek with IndiaHikes.

From August 9th to August 16th I was there. I was in the Himalayas. It had always been a dream and for the one time in my life, I was living my dream. In the course of that one week, I learnt a lot of things. But more importantly I learnt the importance of unlearning something. We are a species that is capable of thought and reason and as a side effect we are able to learn something every single day. But the concept of unlearning goes deeper than just basic thought and reason. Unlearning something requires you to go into the roots of your learning and strip it out. In reality, It is a really hard process to do.

Worries, pains, sorrows, love, friendship all take a back seat when you’re with the mountains. The only thing that matters then is you and the mountains. And truthfully, that is all matters in life. Everything else is but a requirement set by someone; a mere necessity. Every single day that I trekked the mountains, I asked it a whole new set of questions and it gave me a whole new set of answers. But the funny thing is, the mountains never spoke, I was speaking to myself all along. Then I realized the power of one. The power that lies in each one of us.

We worry about such petty things. We accept pain way too easily. We throw ourselves into sorrow for the smallest of things. We don’t give love a chance. We underestimate the value of friendship. I realized how much of importance I was giving to the things that didn’t really matter and how less of importance I was giving to the things that did really matter. The mountains cared for me. They let me walk on them and feel them and it seemed like they only asked for one small thing in return - That I care that same way for something else.

The human mind really is something else. The initial days were really tough on me. I found it extremely hard to heave my bag and walk so much, ascend so much, descend so much. But as the days passed my mind started to accept these things. Pain took a back seat as the ascents started becoming fun and the descents, even more so. I looked back on the painful days with a laugh. At the top of Gardsar pass, which was the highest point of the trek, I wanted to do more. 13,750ft suddenly seemed too less. At the top of Garsar pass, it didn’t matter to me that I did a 3hr climb, what mattered was that I could see both the Vishansar and the Kishansar lakes. But even that, wasn’t enough. I tell you, the human mind really is something else.

The mountains woke up with us and slept with us. Every single day up there was different. The mountains poised a different set of challenges for us every day. Be it ascending on snow or on boulders or on extremely small trails, it never ran out of things to throw at us. I woke up every day looking forward to these challenges. I woke up knowing that things wouldn’t be monotonous. My DSLR camera ended up being a distraction. When I was in the moment and was a part of it all, I never once felt the need to take a picture. I always felt a greater urge to stay there longer.

Given a chance, the mountains have a lot to teach us about everything but more so about oneself.

Ask her why you worry. Ask her why it pains. Ask her about sorrow. Ask her how to love. Ask her how to befriend. Ask her what. Ask her why. Ask her where. Ask her how.

But please, ask. But please, wonder. But please, submit.

And always remember, they are waiting for you. They always were, they always will.

Twenty Five

Today i'll tell you guys what has happened, in the past 25 years. Something wonderful. Something great. Something that is well of note. In 25 years, i've seen 2 people go from being a guy who used to secretly like a girl and a girl who lived her life to the fullest to being 2 absolutely wonderful people to ever walk the earth together. At least it is like that for me. But i'd like to make a small correction to what i started off with.

Twenty five? Nope. Lets talk Twenty three.

Thats my age. I'm twenty three years old. And thats what i'd like to talk about today. NOT how i'm awesome or how handsome i am(?) at twenty three years but how these twenty three years have been for me. Some people might say: "Dude, why are you being such a self obsessed person talking about yourself!"; To them, i say "Today is not about me being twenty three, today is about how 2 people in my life helped me survive till the day i could write this for them."

So, Twenty Three.

I was born on the 19th of March 1990. 2 years after they got married. They got married on the 11th of December 1988. Here is a little backstory. My dad started a company in 1986 i believe with a few of his friends. What he did 2 years after that has absolutely left me baffled. He got married. What he did 2 years after THAT was even more amazing. I was born. I can just but imagine what he would've gone through at that point in time. He had just started a company, got married and had a kid. The responsibility on his head at that point in time  would've been really humongous!

People talk about having role models in life. Looking up to people. I've had my set of role models in life but it is just a few days ago, when i was sitting and thinking about this that it hit me. I just need to take a step back and look to my side. I have 2 *great* role models right there. Tears rolled down my eyes at how long i took to realize this.

For all those who don't know me, here is a small peek into my current life.

I'm Shrayas. I'm a code monkey at SAP Labs at Bangalore, India. I love technology and have been fascinated by it for the longest time. I'm pretty successful in my career right know, learning great stuff and getting decently paid for the effort that i put in as well. So i would say, i'm in a great place.

"You self obsessed idiot"

Nope, i owe every bit of what i just said there to 2 people. Let me rephrase that sentence for you.

I'm Shrayas. I was born to Sheela Rajagopal and R. Rajagopal.

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Here are a list of things, Irrespective of how small, that influenced me and made me who i am today.

1. All the ambulances.
My mom had learnt how to draw a car from my dad. So whenever i asked for a car, she used to immediately draw that and show it to me. Beside my house, there was a hospital and i was really enthusiastic about the lights on top of the Ambulance. So the next time when i asked for an ambulance, my mom whipped out her car drawing and put a light on top of it and voila - Happy me! As a kid, i used to be fascinated by drawings and i think that has what led me to still fall in love with art, in any form.

2. The fiddling.
We were in Singapore for a while and we were staying over at one of dad's friends place. When my dad was out to work, i believe i fiddled around with the microwave and turned the lights off in it or something and my mom got really upset with me and took a hot matchstick and ran it on my hand as punishment. As much as it hurt back then, i think that attitude has remained. Anything that i get in my hand, i *need* to know how it works.

3. The comic madness.
My dad, he's been a long time lover of comics himself and i think it is right of me to say that he passed his legacy down to me there. I've read the oldest of the oldest comics. Ranging from the baby huey to cacha chowdary to the oldest of the tinkles that date back to when he was a kid (i believe). This also has greatly added to my creativity. So many times in life, i've used comics as a way to refresh and let go of reality.

4. All the superman.
I believe there was this one Lungi that i fancied tieing around my neck and jumping all around the house as superman. I clearly remember all those awesome times that i had with myself. Growing up, i had no one to give me company and was referred to by my cousins as a loner but i've always enjoyed being that person, being with my thoughts and being with my imagination. My love for superheros saw no stop since then. I still love my share of Superman, Batman and what not.

5. The Legos.
This one, when i think about it, played the *biggest* influence in my life till date. Yes, i think thats what it did. Legos are these building block type thingies that i think influenced so many peoples lives. Especially mine. I've spend DAYS playing with them building things that i imagined. They never stopped buying me legos. It was like my go-to gift. I used to love them. There wasn't ever anything that i couldn't build with them. Of course sometimes when i tried to build something and it didnt come out the way i wanted it to. I used to come out into the hall and break it all over the floor. My mom then promptly would pick it up for me (which ofc was followed by a huge shouting, but still). I cant begin to emphasize how much these things did to my brain. I begun to think in all sorts of different ways. I owe much of my outside thinking to legos. They are such a great resource to learn.

6. The name.
I have a weird spelling - shrAyas, not shrEyas like the others who share my name. That too, has been such an awesome conversation starter with some of the greatest friends in my life. Maybe that is why i embrace weirdness. Because the first thing about me IS weird. Maybe that is why among all things, i aim to be different. I dont like being a part of the masses.

7. Math.
Hahahahah. I'm sure when they are reading this part, they'll really laugh. Just the word means so much to my family. All the time that my dad spent trying to teach me the world renouned Unitary method problems and the age problems and the geometry and the trigonometry and the basic additions and what not. I still remember my dad being asleep, i woke him up and said, "Since 2*2 = 4 shouldn't 1*1 be 2?" And he woke up and kicked me so hard, i flew back a few feet and then realization hit me. I might not be too strong in math right now but i really love the subject thanks to all this. It is a wonderful subject and it will come with us till we hit our death beds.

8. The fright.
Growing up, i was really really scared of my dad. Of what he'd say if i do something and of what he'd do if i didn't do something. And at that point in time, it was really sucky to be in my position because some of them had really "cool" parents and i didnt. But looking back at these things, i'm glad that he was like that with me because it made me conscious of the things i was going to do. I think innately i've learnt from that to pause and think at least twice about what i'm going to do or say to other people.

9. The nights.
I slept in my parents' bed for *far* too long. I developed a fear of the dark and that was the only way out. I probably took away their alone time by always being, which really kind of sucks if i think about it now. But i think that i learnt 2 things from that. So many years since then, i've begun now to get over my fear of the dark. In addition to that, i've learnt the importance of sacrifice. When you feel that something is worth the sacrifice, you should just do it. They were great souls to give that much up for me.

10. Night trains to Bangalore.
We travelled a lot to Bangalore, because the entire family stays here. We mostly took the night trains when i was a kid and my mom used to put sheets of newspaper on the ground and sit there till i went to sleep. "TILL I WENT TO SLEEP". I was a kid back then so you will realize how hard that is for a damn kid. Sacrifice, again.

11. 41C
This was the bus that my mom used to take as she picked me up from school. She used to put me on her hip and walk super fast to the bus stop to catch the bus. I remember her buying me Ravalgon peppermint if i was well behaved. That is such a great memory. I can still close my eyes and go back to the time that i was going to eat that peppermint, such a great memory. Perseverence.

12. Travelling
We love travelling. It really sucks that im not able to make enough time now a days for this but we really do. Ever since i was kid, i remember always going to places. I think that is where i developed the love for travelling, seeing new places, experiencing new things. When we look back on all the albums that we have made till date, it is such a colourful experience for me. Just last year when we travelled to Sri Lanka, I saw something that completely changed my belief system. That is the power, of travelling.

13. Friendship.
Balaji, Kamat, Chaya, Badari, Ravi, Nalini. Enough said.

14. Understanding.
When we hit puberty, we're all cranky teens. We all have ways to deal with it. My way was to just rage. Rage has always been a problem with me. But there was something else that i... no they used to do. They've always been great at understanding me even if i didn't tell them anything. This really used to be my solace. They used to just *know* if something was up. And i remember so many instances of sitting on one of the chairs and my dad and mom talking to me about things. It doesn't even have to date back to when i was a kid. Just about a year ago the same kind of thing happened. I was losing confidence in who i was and what i was and they came down from Chennai because they *knew* that something was wrong. Rightly enough, i was ok after i let it out.

15. God.
Theres my mom - Shes believes in a God very very much to the extent that she's been going to the temple religiously almost every day since the past 10-15 years. Then theres my dad - Does things that he has to. I think he believes in God a little but not as much as what my mom does. Or even if he does, he doesn't show it too much. Throughout my life, i've never been forced to doing anything with respect to believing in god. They did their share of things to show me the path but never did they push me down it. Right now, I'm agnostic but that doesn't mean that i wont do things that they tell me to.

16. Photography.
The power of taking a moment and freezing it in time is something that only nature should have. But we have it too. In the form of the art of photography. A passion of mine, that was fueled by them. My dad showed me the tech on how to shoot it. It has lived in me till now. I love taking pictures and i've even done it professionally for a while. I think the eye, is in the family.

17. Technology.
I love Tech. I love my gadgets. That has my dad written all over it.

18. Food.
I live to eat. Anyone who knows me, knows how much i love food. That has my mom written all over it. I dare anyone to come home and not go satisfied.

19. Prasannavika.
Never did i think that this would be so easy. Or at least that is what they made me feel. I thought that i would have to talk them into it. I had a whole game plan mapped out but it was such an ease. I can't say anything more here except that i am ecstatic. If 100s of people tell me it is awesome that i'm going to marry the girl i love, i tell them that it is because i had such a great set of people. Again, never did i think that it was going to be so easy. Really.

20. Love.
Is an emotion that isn't used too much in my family. But it isn't an emotion that you can even find the lack of. I've imbibed the same things within me. Love is an emotion that we all share. It is all about sharing. You share your personal space with the one you love. You share your knowledge with the ones you love. Love is indeed a word in itself. But the easiest way to show love, is by sharing. Through love, i've learnt to share. Through sharing i've learnt to love.

21. Logic Soft.
Perseverence. Dedication. Brilliance. Hard work. Trust. Friendship. Professionalism. That one presentation at Sri Lanka blew me over. I one day aim to talk to a group of people with that amount of pride that you had and the amount of confidence that was brimming from within. Respect.

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So, If at any point in time you guys thought that you led your lives without doing anything or without being satisfied please come back and read this. You've spent your life, in making mine. It doesn't matter how small the contribution at that time was.

If anyone compliments me right now, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i am Intelligent, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me that i am honest, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i am caring, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i am loving, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i think differently, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me that i appreciate their effort, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i take good pictures, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i love their food, it is all you guys.
If anyone believes in what i tell them, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i have a great set of friends, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i am a kid, it is all you guys.
If anyone tells me i have matured, it is all you guys.

If anyone tells me i am SHRAyas, it is all SHeela and RAjagopal.

Thats what YOU guys have done over the past 23 years. You've made me who i am right now. You've made me the man i am.

I wont ever say it but i am forever thankful to the things you've given up for me, to the things you've heard me say, to the things you've seen me do, to the things you've done for me.

Heres wishing you a Happy Anniversary dad and mom.

Yours,
your son.

Relity, perspective and God -II

Some people see him in deities. Some people see him as a spiritual being. Some people believe he was a human living among us.

Me, I dont believe in religion. Don't get me wrong. I believe in a god. I believe in a power but im not a part of those groups that separate this being into different sects demarked by religion. When we are born, inside our mothers womb .. there is absolutely no discriminations. Nothing to demarkate you from the rest of the babies in mothers wombs. Why does this have to start the instant we come out from those wombs? Why do we have to be judges based on which stars were where when we were born? Hell! Why do we have to be judged at all. Each kid, each boy and each girl must be let to their own ways.

If a "god" existed im sure he won't let these discriminations happen. He wouldn't stand by while we ran a blade through the others throats or raped innocent little girls. If god was a "he", im sure "he" would have done something.

That's simply the reason I don't believe in the injustice branded - religion. It just doesn't make sense. What I believe is that every man is for himself, or by an extension .. his family and that is all. Theres no "him" involved anywhere.

What I would classify as a god is merely nature. That's it.

Right as the moment im writing this, im standing on top of a lighthouse at kapu beach, udipi, karnataka looking at the sun setting behind the majestic Arabian sea after having done its days job. This, what im seeing right now .. is the god I believe in. This is all of it. The majestic ocean, the waves thrashing against the rocks, the sun going down.

ISO 100 . Shutter 1/250 . F 5.6

We seem to heavily rely on a person to solve our issues for us but all I see from right here is everyone minding their own business. Being themselves. And thats how it should be. Everyone takes care of the bubble that envelops them, themselves, their families.

I think that's all I want to say. Standing up here has just made me think of these things. From up here, everything seemed the same. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, jains,  Buddhists, Jews. It doesn't really matter. All I saw were people and the bold nature bringing everything together.

there was 1 more key thing I realized -- without the nature, we can't survive .. but without us, nature would thrive. It doesn't need us, we need it. Its high time we realize that and act.

Lets stop fighting for our religions and start fighting for nature, for what helps us survive.

I'll go now, enjoy my time with my god while those people die in the name of something pointless.

Peace and love.

MMXII

Remember MMXL? I wrote it 2 years ago. If you dont remember , click here.

Anyway here goes,

2 years have passed since i last wrote about who i am / what i do. Has anything really changed? Have things become better? Have things become worse? Whatsup?

I think over the past 2 years i've learnt more about what the world is about and how people are but more importantly i think i've learnt more about how i fit into this world and how i am and how people are towards me.

I'm very lucky because i have a bunch of *wonderful* friends.. These i know are those bunch of people who will stand behind me even if 34 people are against me. And i trust them. I think in these 2 years my relationship with each one of them has taught me so much more that i could have learnt on my own — Humility, Creativity, Relationships, Standing up for your beliefs, Composure, Love and lots more.

I've learnt that code is my calling. I want to write code for another good n years in my life. Not because i want to learn a 100 different languages but simply because i think writing code makes me happy and writing code makes me want to write more code. My idea of a perfect vacation is a beach, some cold water and my laptop. In that setting, i could most probably create history.

This is also something that i want to learn in my next year. I say i want to create history but i also say that i can do this only on my perfect vacation. This is something that i'm really looking to change. I want to be able to step out of my comfort zone and do things that need to be done from my side. I dont have vim? no problemo, Notepad++ would do. I want to be able to eat things that i usually do not eat simply because i haven't eaten them for so long. Getting out of your comfort zone and being able to do those things allows you to create a comfort zone whereever you wish so and that woould be a great tool at your disposal.

I've learnt that photography is not about sporting a 7D or having a funky f1.2 lens. Photography is *ALL* about the moment and how you see it. You dont need some fancy equipment (although it surely does help) in order to get what is in your head out on to a picture. What it takes is dedication and the ability to constantly keep that image in your head till you get it out on print. Thats what photography is about, not the shutter speed, not the aperture, not the depth of field but all about the moment and how you are part of that moment

I've learnt that relationships are extremely hard to maintain and sustain. It takes a lot of hard work in order to keep functional and meaningful relationships with people you care about. I've committed some rather big blunders in my relationships with people and i felt like an ass later. But taking a step back and looking at my mistakes i realize they all had something common in them — I went back. I did what was required of me. Why? All because that relationship meant a lot to me. Because i wanted to sustain. Even though some of these mistakes i've committed time and again , i just hope that those people too realize that they are important to me (contrary shit, i know)

I've learnt that literature is very very key. Its absolutely not enough if you just have some programming knowledge (in my case). Whats more important is your understanding of how things were done and how things *CAN* be done in the right way. This has increased my belief in the *RIGHT* way thinking of mine (sorry alfy)

I've started to enjoy nature more. The cold mornings, the colder nights, the beautiful sunsets and the sunrises. They all seem way more nicer over the past 2 years. I think nature has a way with every single person and takes its own sweet time to pull them into its clutches. My clutch was one single inccident enroute to nuwara eliya, SL sometime this year

Just this year there was loss as well. Steve Jobs, Dennis Ritchie, and many many more. Crazy year. They were people who i looked up to and admired. Gone. Apple's keynotes wont ever be the same to me again sans Jobs and i wouldn't have ever loved to program as much as i do right now if it were not for Mr. Dennis' wonderful C. In line with Jobs, I too am a person with a messiah complex and I will change the world. But that for sure will not be easy. I realize this all right now. Efforts are required. Efforts will be put. The world needs an imprint of me.

We all live in society, over the past 2 years i've tried to help out in any which way that i can. Just because we're well off it doesnt mean that we need to overlook the dirty things that are happening around us. I've decided that i will try and help out the society in whatever possible way from my side. Bribe and corruption sure do suck but its not like i can do anything being a shitty programmer is what would have been my thinking. But i've realized that theres a lot that can be done from each individual's side when it comes to getting shit done. Not only in regards to bribe or corruption but in all society helping factors. I'm going to look out for it. I'm going to try.

2 years is a hell of a long time. Theres a lot i've learnt. Theres a lot to learn. I'll get there.

2012 get the fuck out. Bring it on 2013. Lets see how much you can change me and how much i can change the world.

Peace and love.

People are idiots

I think there are 2 kinds of people .

The kinds of people who think they are idiots and the kind of people who need to be told they are idiots

I love to hang out with the former . The latter plain pisses me off .

There are those section of people who will think they aren't brainy and they are really good for nothing in this world but they are truly mistaken , thats why i would call them people who think they are idiots .

There are those section of people who will think that they are brainy and they are really good in this world but they are truly mistaken , thats why i would call them people who need to be told they are idiots.

Over the past 2 years i've met quite a sum of people in this world and in the place of my stay and have been able to quantify a good chunk of people into these 2 categories .

The good thing now , is that most of the people who fall into the first category are the same people i call my friends .

The sad thing now , is that most of the people who fall into the second category are the same people that i am forced to befriend because of social circumstances.

People are idiots , ey ?

So what does that make me ?
I'm a person too. The good thing about these 2 categories is that you dont have to put *yourself* into one of these categories . Its not your job . These categories exist from the perspective of everyone else towards you .. They're just called differently by different people - Friends and Acquaintainces .. Best friends and enemies , Be it whatever.

Anyway what these second section of people think is that they can take the first section for granted and use them for all they want . I myself was in a similar situation a couple of days ago and saw them do this and all i want to say , is screw u my dear "friends" . Just because we hear you out and we listen to you doesn't mean we're powerless . Doesn't mean we dont get hurt and doesn't mean you can take us for granted .

U know what , FUCK u .

You could be santa claus himself or someone from star trek but if you dont know how to respect friendship and dont know how to talk to people and approach them , you my friend are a useless piece of shit and mean nothing to the rest of the world . There is this concept in Japanese Manga and Anime called "nakama" and nakama is used to refer to those section of people who are the closest to you and who you will give your life for.

You insulted one of my Nakama.

I WILL NOT take that. Its not in my blood to do so . I have a role model of my very own dad who to this day takes his stand with his friend even though this friendship is condenmed by his very own wife. that is what friendship is to me.

But the great thing about the first section is that we will stand by and let you say all this stuff because of one simple thing -- we can endure . we can sustain . We have TIME with us . You guys on the other hand are a time bomb waiting to go off .

I just have one thing to say to you all - Adios. May each of your flabby short parts rest in peace.

Your insult has not gone unnoticed . Beware . U dont know the power of the first section .

Might i just remind you , we are people too and as just to restate - People are Idiots , they can do anything.

Good night u lowly second section . I dont know how u sleep in peace , but i'm glad you do.

.
.
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Dont open your eyes in the middle of the night though , because u know , people are idiots.