A Story, A Moment, A Picture.

Its been a really long time since i wrote something .. I guess i lacked that push , i guess i was focussing on other things . But today , i got that push.

7:25PM , was just chilling in my room taking some classes on Natural Language Processing when i got a call "Macha, I'm in Bangalore, come lets shoot"

8:05PM , Brigade Road , i met Waseem . Its been a while since we met and shot together . He's one of those people i really look up to simply because everytime we shoot together .. he inspires me to try new things and to think differently. Hell i still cant stand beside him and shoot properly , i'm so intimidated by him :) He's really good.

So as we're walking along the roads , looking for shots .. we bitch about those 'wannabe' photographers carrying around that hideous Canon EOS edge bag that they get for free . They really do not understand what photography is all about .. Maybe some of them do , but most of them don't. And i will try to explain it today.

We walked and came across to this street , and it had this amazing old stone kinda building that hosted a fancy suit shop . We were trying our hand at some shots there when this kid came along . He was curious , and wanted to see what it is that we were doing . So Waseem immediately said "Macha, im shooting him" and that's when it all started.

"John Peter" , a kid who earned Rs. 100 - Rs. 200 a day by collecting parking fare. He started telling us his story. He told us that his dad had passed away and that he gives all this money to his mom. We had some wonderful conversations with the kid. Well i was silent for most of it (im a useless introvert) but i was a part of all of it. Waseem then made him write his name on a piece of paper and hold it up for us to get shots.

Incident light from the left illuminating half his face, ISO at 1600 , F 1.8 , Shutter at 1/200th of a second . He , just standing there , composed , just posing for the 2nd time in his life . Last someone took a picture of him was 4 years ago when some white guy had visited it seems . I had got my shot .

John Peter

After every quick session, he asked us to show him what we had taken and always smiled at the shots .. We knew he liked them the instant we saw that smile .

Photographers these days , open up pages on facebook just as they know how to handle a camera and start putting up pictures .. I think this is really fucked up and that they really shouldn't be doing so . Photography is something that takes YEARS to gain mastery over . More over its something that is SO highly subjective that one should understand his likes first before he can start publishing his work to the world .

Photography isn't about getting money .
Photography isn't about getting those 1000000000000 likes on your pictures
Photography isn't about someone else appreciating your work

It is about you , the moment and the story that revolves around it .

To me , Photography is my passion and today i rediscovered it . Its so wonderful when you're standing there talking to a person who earns 100 bucks a day and gives it away to his mom . He studies whenever he can and managed to write his entire name in English . I think that standing there , listening to him narrate his story , itself , to me , was the perfect shot .

No light , No ISO , No Shutter speed , No Aperture . Just a story . That's how i perceive photography.

愛.kærlighed.amour.αγάπη.aşk.pyar

Some people go out in search of it
Some people cannot stand it
and worst of all , there are people like me , who cannot live without it .

Some people wait for that Kuch Kuch hota hai moment and some people try to make every moment spent on this earth hoping to do 'kuch kuch' for someone else :)

Thats just the way the world works .

If you are working , and i read this somewhere , they say "Quit your job if you wouldn't do what you're doing now for free."

I guess , in a way .. they're talking about love too , right ?

When i'm writing a program . I make sure that i am writing it because i want to and not because i have to and that i understand the purpose behind it. I make sure that i am writing it not because i can but because writing that program accomplishes something.

I guess , in a way .. thats talking about love too , right ?

When i'm shooting a photo i make sure that the frame is right , that the model (if any) is standing in the right place and that he/she adds to the picture and that he/she isn't just standing there for the oomph effect . After the picture is taken , i post process it and get what i truly wanted out of what i saw in my mind .

I guess , in a way .. thats talking about love too , right ?

Me? I believe in love . I believe that there is that one person out there for me . I believe that one day , i would choose her over myself because 1. i'm a hopeless romantic and 2. simply because she would mean that much to me .

Of course when we talk about love . I should point out here that we all (at least mostly) were born in this world owing to love (also called arranged marriage at that time) and that i'm able to sit here and type this out all because of the love that 2 people have given to me throughout their life - My mom and My dad.

I learnt how much a husband can love his wife
I learnt how much a wife , irrespective of never accepting, loves her husband to bits
I learnt how much most important of all , we all need to value that love

Some of us would say that our parents have done their duties in bringing us up to a extent where i can write this and where you can understand it, but to them its like they've done such a small thing .

This evening , i asked my mom to make me breakfast tomorrow morning so that i could take it to office (my friends really like her cooking) and she smilingly asked me .. 20 phulkas enough ? Thats such a small task for her to do for my sake . A tear rolled down my eye and i covered it up with laughter .

I guess , in a way .. thats talking about love too , right ?

DAMN right it is .

They taught us how to walk
They taught us not to stick our fingers into our mouths
They taught us how to say FAN
They taught us how to behave
They taught us ..
They taught us the most important thing ,
They taught us how to love.

And in my case , I wish for one thing .

I wish that the person whom i love , i can love as much as my dad loves my mom .
I wish that the person whom i love , loves me as much as my mom loves my dad .
I wish that the person whom i love , is as happy as my parents are with each other .

Staying away from the people i love for the past year has belted into me a lot of lessons .

In accordance to that , i would say "Note to self: Please Dont rely on that to learn their value ."

Because what begins , must end
Because even though void main() begins with a { it does also end with a }
Because though the 2012 thing is crap , we will die .

I do not want to cry for people after they are dead , i spoke about this to someone a long time ago and said i WOULDN'T CRY but i guess i've lost that bet now . I know i will , but i DONT WANT TO.

I guess , in a way .. thats talking about love too , right ?

I want to value you when you are alive . At least then i can tell you how much you mean to me.

THIS IS in DEDICATion TO all those Morons who'vE understOod me and can bear to live with me in this World.

I love you.

The big ugly "gets-work-done" guy

Right now, i sit in one of the most corrupt offices in the city . Which city? every single one of them in India .

Let me tell you 1 simple fact about how stupid i am . I lost my wallet , A couple of months ago . With it went woooosh my:

1. Pan Card
2. License
3. Landmark fellowship card .. You may ask why this is so important ? well because the card's number was 000001 :)
4. 2k
5. memories

Now , i need a license , i wish to drive a car , a swift or an i10 , but that isn't important . The base point - I need a license .

Dad made a couple of calls .

the R T O , the Regional Transport Office.

People around me , all waiting , all sitting on the slab that i am sitting on . Like one of my friends quoted , there is no distinction between us people sitting on the slab . The real distinction is not physical . The real distinction is more of how we came to sit on this same slab .

I came, and i will accept, through what they call a 'broker'. Which is just a glorified way of calling a peon . A person who can get things done .

Do i feel guilty ? Yes , as hell . Why ? Because i'm just another pawn in this corrupt society, feeding the demon that is corruption . A big , black thing with no physical form , much like goop or a swampy creature with big red eyes of temptation is how i picture this Corruption .

Its not a concept anymore . Its something . A 'thing' that has an identity . A thing that we feed . A thing that we breed .

update: 
I just went into an office . This is the office of the P.A to the RTO, (RTO meaning the Regional Transport Officer) and lied to him . Told him that i can possibly only get 1 day(s) of leave from my office and asked him if he could sign the re-issue papers . He looked at me , he looked at the 'broker' and slyly said that he couldn't do it and that we had to wait for the RTO as such . He continued on and told me to go , and sent the broker soon after . I wonder .

While all of us are stuck waiting in never ending lines , these people - the 'brokers' dont have such a line , they have "another" line . I wonder .

There are a lot of things i wonder about , and one such thing ISN'T corruption . Because there really isn't anything to wonder about, is there?:

You pay , they give . You pay more , they give sooner . You pay even more , you dont even need it . C'est la vie . 

Considering the way things are moving here, there is one little proverb that i have always admired that needs an addition .

Blood is thicker than water ?
Money is thicker than blood . 

Update: 
OK , things are done now . Heres what happened:

After i met the PA , i waited for some more time and then went and met the RTO dude himself, directly . Lied to him that i had only 1 day(s) leave and then he lectured me about how HE had to wait 10 days in line to get admission into a school for his son . But hell! I guess he had been successful in that adventure . He signed the papers and the major hurdle was crossed . The rest was supposed to be , as our thalaivar, Mr. Rajini Sir would say: "jujubi"

Following that, I came out and waited in line to get my picture taken . Then started the ordeal . I sat to be photographed 3 times and kept getting sent back because:

It was a duplication request and not a fresh license or a renewal and hence i had to get some more signatures
There was no bill attached for the amount paid , i had to come over and get the bill
The name on the bill was Mukesh and lets face it , i am neither the great singer or a "really really" fat dude. 

So with all these things taken care of , i approached the chair like it was a throne that i had to earn my place on and asked the dude before sitting . "Anna, should i sit or do i need to run around some more?" . He laughed and said "Thambi , no payan (pain) no gayan (gain)" . That gave me the laugh i needed for the picture .

Ok, yes i'm English-ist . Its a beautiful language and needs to be resspected .

Anyway, back to the topic. So after all these miniscule things , i came out of the Picture room (as they all call it) triumphant . My DL will be delivered at most by tomorrow .

P = 1 .

So i guess what i'm trying to say is this:

Do you know the PM? I know someone better .
Do you stand in line from 5 in the morning ? I know someone better .
Do you skip lunch and breakfast because you need to get your passport renewed ? I know someone better . 

This is the same case with all of us . Poor souls who dont know the 'someone better' will suffer because we KNOW the 'someone better' or better put , because we can AFFORD the 'someone better'

--

People will believe that change in this kind of a place is not possible . They will go forth to believe that this is our life .

These kinds of things are FOOD to that goopy swampy creature. I know that a creature that is so big cannot be easily conqured . But lets take small steps , tiny ones .

Let start by poking it , then lets take the bigger weapons . Burn it and hopefully slay it .

Its not something that we can do within a day . Not something that can be done in a year or even in 10 years .

But lets at least start doing something about it so that maybe , just maybe our grand grand grand grand kids can live a life where truly "No pain, No gain"

--

You may ask me 1 simple question , why all talk when you are giving food to that creature ?

I tell you from the bottom of my heart today , i will give my share of pokes to this creature . I shall try to not give these peons money and get my things done .

Because there is nothing in this world that matches hardwork .

--

I might have won this war . But things will come back .

What goes around , comes around .
What has a beginning , must end .
what is a corrupt country , can cease to be one .

--

I'm back home , and i'm hungry as fuck . I need my food .

"maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Signing off .

Personalities

If i may quote one of the most influential fictional characters - Neo.. he said "Everything that has a beginning has an end."

When we begin . We start gathering knowledge . We start to understand the world around us . We form a personality . We stick to that personality . That what makes us Us.

My personality, well thats for me to keep.

There are always people in this world that compliment you . That compliment your personality . We call them friends . We call them best friends . We DONT call them colleagues.

But there comes a certain point of time in everyone's life where their personality is questioned . Some people choose to give in to this massive change .

But i dont believe in that .

I believe that we have spent almost well a lifetime being who we are , becoming personalized , if you may . we need to stick to that .

In geek terms , Would you like your .vimrc file to be lost ? You'd kill yourself ey?

Coming back .. A few changes yes , acceptable . Simply because i also believe that change is a constant process.

Sometimes .. We're just wrong , and we need to change what is wrong with us.

I'm writing this today because i was going thro my pictures and found this:

There is one other person who will share my feeling as i write this post. Right Mr. A14?

Imagine that there were 2 people , close great friends . And then , Enter 3rd person . SO "3" (as we will call this person) completed our 'circle'

Times were always fun with 3 around . All those Pani Puri eat outs . All those terrace conversation and the Behind B block conversations .

There was something about 3 that just got us all \^o^/ and all excited for the smallest of things in the universe :) I still remember the time when we were laughing our asses off for no reason till when we had tears in our eyes.

But then along came person 0 . Person 0 put forth the question to 3's personality .

Sadly , very sadly .. 3 gave in . 3 changed.

No jumps
No bursts of happiness
No Yay
No Hurray
No big smiles
No pani puri's
No LMAO's
well , in the end .. no 3 .

0 changed 3 completely :( And i do hope that 3 is happy .

This post is dedicated to all the good times that me, A14 and 3 had .

I do hope that once more , we get to re-live those experiences.

Dear 3,
I had some of the best times in my life with you and i really wish you hadn't given in to the change , but like i said earlier "Everything that has a beginning, must have an end".


I dont wish bad for you. Never shall I. But i really do hope you're happy with 0.
Sincerely yours,
me + A14.

I really did expect that from the 2 parts of the egg , both would remain great friends . Alas 1 down.

ps: Its your birthday 2 days from now , I know i wont be 'allowed' to wish you so heres wishing you a happy birthday .

Will always love you,

Thanks & Regards,

Shrayas

iRreplaceable.

I've always had a secret dream. Something that iHavent shared with anyone. Something not even the closest of friends know. Thats because iThought there was still more time. But it so turns out that sometimes even though you think you have time , it is stolen right royally from your hands.

This secret dream that iHave i'm going to share today.

This dream is one that iHave had ever since iWas a kid.

But now, its one of those dreams that iAm forced to leave behind.

Why ?

Simply because 6 weeks isn't enough time for me to meet Steve Jobs.

--

There have always been people that iHave looked up to, simply because iBelieve in the fact that no matter how good you are , there is always ONE person who is better than you are .

He has always held a place in my heart.

iWanted to meet him, and tell him how he's influenced me to make my presentations better ..
iWanted to meet him, and tell him how i've learnt part of how to speak merely by listening to his talks ..
iWanted to meet him, and tell him, that iConsider him a true genius of the world.

But iCant. Why?

Simply because 6 weeks isn't enough time for me to meet Steve Jobs.

--

He is one person who has changed the world .
He is one person who almost made me drop out of college (yea dad, sorry. iWanted to.)
He is one person who redefined presentations
He is one person who mastered the art of talking.
He is one person who will create a void in the world.

and definitely in me.

What would you do if you knew that your bio clock would stop ticking in 6 weeks .

Would you look at it like 1/8th of a year
Would you look at it like a month and 2 weeks ?
or would you look at it like 42 days ?

Why would it matter how you look at it ? You aren't going to get any more time . You aren't going to change anything .

Why look at the 6 weeks that you have left rather than looking back at the n years that you have lived.

Because as he himself said .. you NEED to look back in order to connect the dots.

One thing that we all really need to understand is that you're really really REALLY insignificant.

But

what you do whilst being insignificant, matters . It did to Him .

He has a messianic complex, and its contagious. he believed that he has to do something to the world.

6 weeks later we'll be able to see that .

iToo , have a messianic complex . iWant to make a difference. iNeed to be noticed . iWill do it.

iWanted to tell this to Him.

But iCant. Why ?

Simply because 6 weeks isn't enough time for me to meet Steve Jobs.

--

iAm pissed.
iAm irritated.
iAm not in the right state
iDidnt want this time to come so soon
iDont want him to give up.
iStill think he has a lot of people to change.
iThink "stevenotes" should be incorporated in the dictionary
iWant to cry.

Why ?

Simply because 6 weeks isn't enough time for me to meet Steve Jobs.

--

iGot this news a couple of days back and it truly did bring tears to my eyes.
iDo hope this is a rumour.
iDo hope that he releases an iPhone 10.

Because iWant to tell him,

Hey Steve,
There are a lot more things in this world that require an "i" beside their name.
There are a lot more things in this world that are worth a "stevenote"

There is always "one more thing" that deserves you.

But heres me being selfish,
iHope you read this and know:
iHave always wanted to meet you.
iWant to meet you...


Please dont ruin a kid's dream.
Please dont give me just 6 weeks to meet you.
Please dont give up.

~
Shrayas.